Reflections from the start of Fatherhood.
- Callan Pritchard
Becoming and being a father has been the greatest, most wonderful, most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced. In one sense it’s pure hospitality; ‘Hello, welcome! Make yourself at home… forever.’ Like any form of hospitality, it has great joys. I remember each of our children’s eyes open for the first time, bright blue and curious, a new point of view on the world, a new consciousness (how astonishing is that!). To be entrusted with their care, nurture, and guidance and to watch them form and grow is a privilege of sheer wonder and delight. I remember the day James and I saw two (that’s right two!) forklifts. ‘Oh, this is a fine day!’ he said. And it was.
And yet, with the privilege of fatherhood comes new needs and demands, a heavier sense of responsibility, a greater sense of what I’m required to give, a deeper sense of inadequacy and insecurity. How can I guide this child or these children through the complexity of this world, let alone raise them to know and love Jesus! ‘Who is sufficient for these things?’ (2 Corinthians 2:15). And so, alongside the joy of my children discovering the delights of the world is the shame of discovering deeper and uglier parts of my heart – the insatiable desire for control, for things my way, for time that’s my own, for respect from my children and honour from my peers. Then there are the things I vowed never to say, the tones I vowed never to use, yet here they are coming out of my own mouth.
Most of the time I’m simply thankful for the delightful privilege of fatherhood. And yet the stretch and strain required to get through at least some days has reminded me that as I stumble towards this thing called parenting, my heavenly Father is also parenting me. When my internal response to a tantrum is basically a tantrum itself, only concealed behind decades of social conformity, right then and there God is revealing my heart, showing my need, allowing me to fall in a humiliating heap because I proudly trusted my own ways and wisdom, only to gently call me to walk his way and trust his wisdom. What a beautiful thing God does through Fatherhood.
Callan Pritchard
Associate Minister
Reflections in the middle of Fatherhood
- David Ould
I became a father over 20 years ago. One of the realisations that has grown on me over those two decades is how much of an influence previous generations of fathers have on their descendants, whether we’re conscious of those effects or not. Perhaps like me, many other fathers have had that sudden moment where they realise “that was just what my dad did!” or “I said that just like my father would have said it!”. Of course, some of those moments aren’t the best, but there’s also many that are and it’s a special thing to realise that we pass more than just money and memories down the generations.
It shouldn’t surprise us that we are this way because this is how God the Father is with all of his children. He is a good giver! James reminds us,
James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
And Jesus himself tells us,
Matthew 7:11
If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
I’ve personally been particularly challenged by this last one. I grew up in a household where we watched every penny and where my parents were (quite rightly) concerned not to spoil their children. But I think it had the danger of making me a miserly father, maybe at times even unnecessarily withholding good things from my children for what I thought was their benefit. But Jesus tells me that God delights in giving us his children those very good things that we need. Our job as fathers is to work out what those good things are and to give them! Just like God does with us. You can never be spoiled by being given the right things and God the Father has given us exactly the right thing – he gave his own Son so that we might become his children.
This Father’s Day might be full of joy for you, or it might be tinged with sadness as we mourn our own fathers or even the grief of a broken father-son relationship. Whichever it is, be reassured that the Fatherhood of God remains a constant good in our own lives that each and every one of us can always turn to.
David Ould
Senior Associate Minister
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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